I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
Thanks for buying me a sippy cup, its so pretty and everyone keeps telling me its probably the best gift anyone could have given me
Sorry I dragged you across a parking lot
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
If he doesn't fuck you on the 4th of July, he doesn't really love this country.
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
