I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
Your "dubstep at ceilis" resulted in a random naked guy busting into my room and peeing all over my bathroom
He told me I smelled like fruit loops and then bit me on the tit
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Randomize
