Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
How much did you drink?
Enough to be hungover and still think roller coasters were a good idea
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Her boobs felt like beanie babies from heaven
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
I'm trying to fuck him and feed him. I don't understand why it isn't working.
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
Randomize
