i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
I'd steal beers with my tail. If I were a monkey.
i guess it wasn't a booty call since he got home from the club at 6:00 am... he told me to consider it morning sex
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
If we can't get laid at a bar crawl, we should just quit life.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
I only remember singing the Captain Planet theme song on our way to the bars.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
She's still here. My penis can feel it.
Dude, I think she left with some dude like an hour ago
FOUND HER. I swear this thing is like a metal-detector
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