i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I have to drop off my inflatable penis costume at the bar for my bartender. Do you think you could meet me there at like 630?
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
I sleep better at night when I win things. I never really weep for others.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Could be all of this cough syrup, but I’m ready to fuck 2018 up!
I almost wrecked my car because of a guy in skinny jeans had a boner
Randomize
