Kareoke will never be a sober sport
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
You stumbled in the house, mumbled something about a cheese party, grabbed a block of cheese and the whiskey, and left.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
My life has come down to me literally sitting on an uncrustables trying to defrost it because I’m drunk alone and hungry.
Randomize
