God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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