your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
planned parenthood is perfect for picking up chicks...they all put out
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
You had me at "mimosas" several texts ago.
It was all fun and games until he noticed the hickey that he hadn't given me...
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
You are an awesome peach made of glitter.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
Randomize
