Im broke. I spend all my money on weed cigarettes alcohol and food. In that order. I cant even cut one of those because you know it'd be food. I already stopped getting my nails done just so i could support my bad habits.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
Sleepwalking naked until I was 12 made it so much easier to get away with drinking at moms now.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
Omg it was awesome. At one point she says "cum in me, I'm too old to get pregnant".
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
i told her we had a class about unicorns together. i'd say it was a good night
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