just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
This is the high leading the old right now
Bro she gave me the stare. It's like she boned me with her eyes. I'm going in.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Should I take my grandma to a keg tomorrow or not? Serious question
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
all I know is that I was naked, and there were cheeto puffs everywhere...
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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