she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
She was so happy for me that she insisted I fuck her with my Bills jersey on. THAT ACCOMMODATING
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