I went to the bathroom like 8 times and each time I looked in the mirror and tried saying "I am sober." I burst out laughing when I got to "so-" every time. If you can't convince yourself, you can't convince anyone else. Fuck it, I'm going upstairs and drinking more.
You make your fellow Jews happy.
Lost my credit card. M has a bottle of blood in her pocket from a hobo.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
Some girl just showed me her stretch marks
You need to get out of tn
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Definitely! I will do that this week. Right now, watching drag queens play with my dad's beard.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
My goal in life is to ruin sex for someone. To be so mindblowingly unreal that they can never find anyone like me ever again. So far it's going well.
When you're trying to sneak from the bathroom to your room with dildo, but it glows in the dark and suddenly your entire life is illuminated in the shape of dick
And here I thought that was one nut sack too many
Weddings might be fun but they are not getting fucked in the wilderness fun.
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
