The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
I love how our sober spotter means you only have to stay sober enough to type your pin in an ATM
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
The fire breather is here so I may get my second wind.
woke up outside on the porch naked surrounded by beer cans with a towl around my neck. i must be in heaven cause i've never seen this place before.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I woke up naked to an alarm set for 11:18 pm and missing a shoe. How was your night?
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
I have so many feelings about this burrito
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
Randomize
