I got chris browned last night
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
Hello wreck, this is your train calling.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I promise it'll work. Just go there and keep the lights off and keep saying blaowww. She'll think your me.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
The bartender has no bra and is giving out free shots. Call mom I'm getting married.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
