oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
true best friends attempt to put quarters in each others butts. Thanks for the best birthday ever!
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
This hotel is not contributing to my sobriety, they have 4 kinds of free wine and beer.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
Is it bad juju to glue mini budda to the bottom of a shot glass
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
They were shocked that I could handle my liquor so well. I'm half Irish and half Russian. This is what I'm made for
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