Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
but there are maragaritas for $3 so that was all i needed to hear
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
oh and speaking of men I've slept with. Ryan lost 1/3 of a testicle zip lining
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
I'm up in my room and I just saw a naked guy sprint out into the streets from my mom's party downstairs
You put on a bike helmet, yelled "doesn't matter fuck it" then punched a stick the fire
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
