your life is more of a joke than dina lohan.
if you\'re going to compare me please pick the classy one. Michael Lohan.
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
No. I'm just saying it shows no signs of stopping. My dad was a man-whore well into his 50s.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
He's living a porn movie. He's slept with a waitress at her work for lunch, a bar tender at the bar that night, and the cleaning lady the next morning.
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
After the 3rd time his brother walked in on us I asked "Does he ever knock?" his reply "This is his room"... Turns out he didn't even live there... I feel like a hoe.
This guy dressed as a piece of paper for Halloween, I felt it was only necessary to sign his penis
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I’m a lady. I promise I won’t oogle your junk when we go skinny dipping.
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