Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
Just had Jager bombs for breakfast with her roommate... I do not regret this newfound lesbianism.
I got written up at work for smelling like sex and vodka. Still not sure how they put that into professional terms.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
I’m on my third beer doing poppers in the shower to no doubt
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Maybe for you. You don't have to clean the melted butter off the stove. I LOST THE SPECIAL SEASONINGS.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
