I've been congratulating people on facebook about their forthcoming pregnancies. I can't wait to see how this plays out
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Just took last nights make up off with a sock. That hungover.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
I swear, the guy behind me wasn't paying attention until the words "middle aged fuckboy" came out of my mouth.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I DEMAND FORESKIN
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
Randomize
