i wants your nipples near my face. PLEASE????
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
We had car sex in the parking lot of the dispensery while he blasted Tony Bennett. It was so fucking romantic.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
We need to get Harry and Lloyd's tuxedos from Dumb and Dumber. I feel like this is a vital thing that is missing from our lives.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
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