i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Now I know Sunday Funday means fucking till you loose your voice.
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