I drove you home. there is no excuse for wrecking your car 3 hours later.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
Part of me was thinking I should go old school and get a chasity belt before the semester starts. Really lock that shit down. But then I thought, fuck that. I'm going to hit that campus like an f5 whorenado
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I was hoping for a marriage proposal... Or at least an offer to sleep in his bed.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
It's wednesday. OF COURSE HE'S DRUNK.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Randomize
