I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
went to sleep on the couch in jeans and socks. woke up in bed totally nude no memory of moving. best farewell party ever
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
They fucked on my pong table last St. Patty's and broke it. I feel like I should be hiding my new one. Would hate for a tradition to form.
We kept trying to bring you to the hospital but you had a tantrum and kept saying you would never be Miss America
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
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