you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
Did you get any pics? And I can only imagine how inferior you must have felt knowing that somewhere in that room was a guy whose penis was the length of your forearm.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
I just had a random tinder dude give me a ride home from school because my car is dead. Tinder rules! It's like Uber, but with boys who want to impress you.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
I just want to get drunk and not have to worry about you leaving me at the bar.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
The waitress at the Denny's in usa remembered me from 2 years ago when we went at 4 in the morning plastered, wearing overalls and huge inflatable corona hats on our heads
Randomize
