it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
He started screaming "fuck me I'm Ryan Gosling" and proceeded to pick up the smallest guy at the party and carry him to bed.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
I think it's time for tequila and I to go our separate ways
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
Randomize
