Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
porn star boner night. come get it.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I started making breakfast to subdue the hangover and last of the shrooms and only got as far as eating a half frozen pierogi out of a dixie cup.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
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