Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
I blasted the Halloween Before Christmas soundtrack last night so my roommate wouldn't hear me having sex. Needless to say the sex got a little weird.
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