I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
you realize you insisted on them having a dance off to korean music to determine who takes you home?
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
We should probably feel disgusted that we took turns eating and drunkenly passing around a burrito the size of a small dog but i’m ok with it.
I finished OITNB and broke it off with my fuck buddy in the same day. It's going to be a rough week
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
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