Get out...Run...Or there's going to be a dick in your mailbox
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Since you're going to wake up and see one bajillion missed calls from me, I just want you to know that's a perfectly reasonable number. Now come downystairs.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
well, mom whipped her new boobs out at the dining room table. So yeah you could say we had a pretty casual thanksgiving
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Just had a med school interview with that doctor I fucked in college. He remembered. Asked if I still have my nipple rings. Overall, I think it went well.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You shouted "my financial aid just came in, who wants a shot?!" Half the bar followed
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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