Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
he walked down the highway for 3 miles at 4 am, and got me coffee on the way. i dont think a blow job would have been enough.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
I know how to kill a man with nutmeg and a sword. You in?
Or nah
I have no idea what to do with myself since we graduated.
I've just been napping and sexting all day.
I’M PUT OFF FROM FOOD RN BC EARLIER I GOT SOME WATER AND I WAS 4 SIPS IN WHEN I NOticed A FUCKING BURGER KING F R Y IN MY D R I N K
Randomize
