she kept yelling 'call me bella'
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
when i woke up with rugburns on the tops of my feet, knees, and chin i was a little confused. and then i remembered i had sex with him in his friends walk in closet.
Randomize
