1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Watching a deaf couple have an argument in the mall. Can't bring myself to look away.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
both the worst and best vomit ever... it was extra chunky and thick cause of the sausage... but it also tasted like delicious sausage... also cause of the sausage
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
And you were like "stop making pop tarts, lil bowow" as you grabbed the pop tarts from your ex and consumed them. Teach me your ways.
To be fair, I'm probably one of the better candidates for the role of 'baby daddy' in this town
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