During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I just showed my boobs to our astate representative hahahahahahha
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
FYI, Sammie and I made the executive decision that we're getting a pet octopus and keeping it in the ballpit. Just thought you should know.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
You know, I'm starting to enjoy brazilians. One day I'm going to make a therapist very very happy.
Randomize
