Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
It summer and it's getting a lot harder to hide sex bruises from my parents.
First world problems?
Mike found the condom wrapper on the washing machine and looked at me and said "Magnum? NICE girl. Get that nut!" then proceeded to puke in a cup
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
too bad I'd hit a car before I'd hit a bush.
Are we talking about jumping from windows or your willingness to fuck a car instead of a woman?
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
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