I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
remind me in the morning to get the random kid out of the closet and to clean the pudding off the wall
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
The lady at walmart just said she is so happy im still alive....Was i that drunk on the 4th? Dont answer that
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Randomize
