She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
She can't really be mad at me. I made you two sisters... Dick sisters.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
she broke my one feeling. seriously I think she broke my dick.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
Hey, if I'm gonna bastard a child and ruin his life, I'm going balls out.
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Omg. I meet up with you guys with bodily fluids on my chin ONE time and suddenly I'm a whore.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she cant stop having the shits.
Randomize
