Guy at red light looking at porn. I'm waiting for him to look over at me so I can shake my head and he can feel bad
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
i just shit on the floor of my room. my roommate was in the bathroom, my choices were limited.
I'm pretty sure God is rooting for me with this two gf thing
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
A shower wasnt enough to wash off the shame but at least it took care off the blood.
Really?!? Does he think blocking me on FACEBOOK means that he doesn't have a kid with me?!
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
she stuffed her marc jacobs purse full of cereal
classy
I showed up drunk and covered in glitter, smelling like stale booze and dirty stripper and my younger brother gave thanks his life wasn’t a shitshow like mine
That’s how my thanksgiving went
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