I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
HER PREGGO ASS BROUGHT SPEGHETTI-O'S... IN HER PURSE.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
Divorce is final. Doing tequila shots at 1 in the afternoon.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Don't ever feel guilty about what you put in your mouth best advice my gma ever gave me lmao
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
Just Peed in a cup for my country. Fighting the good fight.
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
