I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
I would blow Magic Johnson for a pack of lucky strikes right now. Post-hiv.
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
Im in mikes bed telling my vagina I'm sorry in advance.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Did you seduce any young men into coming home to your love nest of poutine and jäger bombs?
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
this is an emotional support booty call
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
Randomize
