come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
I thought he was kidding when he said pretend to be a dunkin donut delivery women. This is the last time I ever role play.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
A client gave me a bottle of vodka today. And he was hot with a beard. It's like he knows my soul.
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
The resort was totally empty, just June and I. Which of course lead to EXCESSIVE day drinking and outdoor fucking. FYI Dominicans LOVE to watch.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
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