I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I'm reading about reasons for wearing clothing. IS THIS COLLEGE OR PRESCHOOL?
The sweet smell of jungle juice and bad decisions is calling our name.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
new costume idea. paint swatches and a ball gag... I'll be 50 shades of grey.
Lets get coked out and steal a parrot this summer
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Randomize
