I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If he really loved his girlfriend then he'd wear a condom when he fucks me.
Seius question. Does a penis floar when ina baht? Must find out.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Top reasons to NOT leave jessica to her own devices : 1. Drinking becomes a competitive sport ( in which she is the only one competing) 2.big girl words= no worky 3. Whiskey refuses to be a good friend (as much as she insists ). 4. Waking up at six a.m. still in her swim suit is super awkward. 5. It isn't a fun game to figure out which person she gave her number to and 6. Yesterdays eyeliner doesn't look good today.
After he came all he could say was how great the lighting fixtures where in my apartment.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
I wish you could just Google "people I've had sex with" and they would all just come up
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
Randomize
