it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
i will never coherently bang her
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
Just did lines off a tackle box. Love Montana.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
So basically i got outta bed and started peeing on the a/c unit..when my roommate tried to stop me i looked at him and said "i got this"
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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