people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
There was a selfie of you in the dark pointing at the camera with a duck face. You sent it to my 60 year old mother with the caption "you behave"
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
