I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
Sober December ended when I found beer behind my bed...I lost $2000 but spent 6 hours sober. Meet me at the bar?
..But I'm still alive. And thats the main thing
did i really sing to your nipples last night?
yes. and it was oddly very seductive
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
"I feel morally obligated to vote for him since he's my drug dealers dad"
like I licked Molly off a boys palm last night at a bar I think its ok to eat chicken once a week
The only thing he told me before he passed out was that he is from Buffalo and I'm a bitch.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
Randomize
