so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Ps, did you know if you google "drunk jenga", you're the first image that shows up?
I've given up for the day already. I just wanna eat cheesecake and hide from her.
i came so hard i kicked through my windshield
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
I know you told me I shouldn't go see him...that's why I'm texting you letting you know I made it home safe from his house this morning
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