why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I might never shower again without beer.. I might also always drink naked
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
You don't forget tits like those, even if you are vegas drunk.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Don't you hate falling asleep on the couch with a glass of wine in your hand? It's like dreaming about peeing and then realizing you've peed the bed only stickier.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
Randomize
