u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
Hey I found your number in my phone i dont remember how we met this is richard btw
strange i dont have your number must have been a drunk thing
could be more
absolutely not
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
Laying on my kitchen floor and the lights just got brighter... I just died or there was a power surge. Based on the amount of booze I drink both are possible.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I ate all his french fries. He was no longer useful to me.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Did you or did you not grab my boob while I was making out with the foreign kid?
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
but dude how did I get so drunk?
Pretty sure it happened right after you poured a shot of Wild Turkey into your Budweiser, chugged it, and screamed "I. NEVER. BACK. DOWN!"
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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