a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Sorry there's no emoticon for I got my period all over a guy's bed so I had to improvise. There isn't even a bed one
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
Thinking and hoping ice cream is the answer to my problems
My drug dealer just told me goodnight...I still don't know his name. But I guess you can say we've moved to the next step.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
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