I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
You had a hot dog outside the bar then made me stop at McDonald's for a double quarter pounder. I'd say you've more than filled your drunken meat quota.
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
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