There's this guy beside me dancing with this girl with no panties on. When I looked at him he said he's babysitting his bestfriend's girlfriend since he can't come out.
What a good friend
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
Too bad it's not "confirm, ignore or not unless I've had 20+ beers"
i just keep taking vicodin and supergluing random shit
I almost puked on my graduation application. perfect.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
He will not just "come" out of the closet. He will fall out, 69ing me, with two fingers in his starving asshole, wearing cum splattered lady gaga sunglasses, weeping.
That was the greatest thing i have ever read.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Fuck you and your fucking taquito's.
Randomize
