I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
NoDDING MY HEAD LIKE uyuEAH MOViUNG MY HiPS LioKe YEAhhhhhhhhhhh
wow.
Thanks for making breakfast. I usually have cereal and coffee...but i think margaritas and turkey sandwiches could catch on.
he said something along the lines of "fish can smell fear"
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I'm a little concerned about right now. You showed up at my house soaking wet, drunk with a bag of ham and 2 liter of Dr. Pepper, and you refused to tell me where you got the ham until I gave you some more liquor.
I just saw a guy in a zippo shirt buy 2 gallons of fire starter fluid and then proceed to smoke a cigarette. I feel like hes got some big plans for his tuesday.
Randomize
