Obama just said the words "we're all in this together." I wanted to start singing high school musical
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Besides, I'm booked tomorrow. I'm planning on drinking heavily and crying in the bath.
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
How's the party?
I'm watching two people get flogged. Sothere's that.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
you tried to strip tease your way into canada but got arrested instead. don't worry, your mom doesn't know.
Randomize
