Yours is on the dinner table...mine is in my underwear drawer.
Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Me and him were fist fighting in the back of the cab and I offered the driver a 100% tip to call him an asshole. I don't know why.
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
We poured some Korbel out for our homie Dick Clark.
A man just sang Jennifer Lopez to me out his car window. I am not sure how I feel about this, but it is not positively.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Got arrested last night. My cell mate just added me on Facebook.
Randomize
